pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
