i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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