Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
