Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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