i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
foreskin is a definite game changer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
