that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
