You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
