And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
