The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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