i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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