i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
