we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
