She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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