I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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