I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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