Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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