Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
