Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
