Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
