Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
