Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
