Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
