Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
