Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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