I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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