Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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