I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
