I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
