I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
