i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
