so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
