i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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