all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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