Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
