But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
