Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
