Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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