She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize