Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
