Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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