I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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