When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
