When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
