I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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