I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
