well you can't waste a boner
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
