I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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