THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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