Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
