Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
