Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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