Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
