im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
