Me. At least after what I've been through.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
