just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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