what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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