I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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