puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
