I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
