my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
