how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
