I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize