I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
