woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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