Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
