i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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