I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
