walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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