I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
