Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
