i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
