Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
