True but thats because hes a fetus.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
