put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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